Tough love - tough for who?

Last night was hard.  I mean really hard.

My husband was away working and so there were no other options but for me to get bedtime sorted.
We did our usual bedtimes rituals and my son fell asleep feeding - I thought I was onto a winner.  But how deluded could I be?  My son woke up as soon as his head hit the cot.  The screaming started but I managed to put that to a stop by picking him up and showing him the Peter Rabbit and Friends pictures on the walls.  He loves an animal impression and saying goodnight to all the animals is part of our ritual when he goes to sleep in his cot.

I put him back down in his cot and his little face screwed up, mouth open wide and the crying started again.   This time Lupo the puppy and Elli the elephant came into play.  My son was calm again.  But then cot gymnastics ramped up - flips, turns, rocking, pulling up to knees, gnawing the cot bars.  I decided to let him get it out of his system for a few minutes.  Unfortunately he had other ideas.  I tried picking him up.  He just arched his back and yelled.  So I put him down again.  More cot gymnastics.  Every time I tried to turn him back round to lying down he yelled. I decided to try and nurse him again to calm him down.  But it was hurting me.  He was clamping too much and I was too sore.

Back in the cot, and a little calmer.  He started biting his fingers.  Then mine.  I hadn't given him any pain relief for his teeth (tooth number 8 is currently erupting) so I dutifully toddled off to administer teething powders and Calpol.

This time, when I went back in the nursery I put Eva Cassidy on the stereo and held him upright, gently swaying to the music.  He would settle his head temporarily on my chest but then after a few seconds start squirming.  And repeat.  Then he noticed the animals on the wall again and was trying to reach for them.

My back couldn't take it, so I put him in the cot.  The beginnings of a screaming fit but I swooped in with the taggy to distract him from that enterprise.  It worked!  He started to play with it gently.  Then he turned on his side!  Hooray! I had cracked it.

Nope.

Don't be silly.

Life is never that simple.

He turned over and spotted me.  And burst into tears.  I tried to settle him in his cot.  He wasn't having any of it.

By this time it was 10pm - over 2.5 hours since I had first tried to put him in his cot.  I decided that nursing was the only option left.

Finally he went to sleep.

For one hour.

Then I settled him just by holding him  -this isn't too bad, I thought.

Then he woke again 40 minutes later.  I was so tired myself that I brought him into bed to feed.

That was my night from then on - constant nursing.  Every time I tried to release him, he yelled and I was too tired for other tactics.

In the early hours, he sneezed and bit me.  Before I could remove him, he sneezed again, clamping down a second time.  It took every ounce of will power not to scream and swear myself.

I sighed and pulled him over to the other side.

My back is killing me today.  All this rubbish rocking that doesn't work.  The bending over the cot.  The sleeping in a twisted position.

My husband is back tonight.  I really hope that this means things will be better.

Who am I kidding?

The Sickness

A recent vomiting bug in our household has caused me much grief - piles and piles of washing, constant mopping up of sick and number twos and a baby who wants to nurse constantly.  Well... during the day that is!

Actually, the advent of this bug has also resulted in some of the best night's sleep I have had in ages.  I guess my little one needs the sleep as he is fighting off this bug.  Now, don't get me wrong, we are far from 'sleeping through the night' territory but I am being woken up twice per night rather than four to fives times.  My baby has slept for four and a half hours in a row! It is like a miracle has happened.

Perhaps it is that I have been ill and less available during the night?  Perhaps it is because I have had to stop him nursing too much as he can't handle the quantity and so we the collateral benefit is that I am night weaning him without even realising it?

I am not counting my chickens.  I know that as he gets better, there is every chance that he will resume his old habits.  But for now, I may live in hope!

Hope for the Hopeless

While I was at breastfeeding support group today, one of the other mums was asking about how sleep was going in our household.  Her son is 5 and a half months now and I think she was looking for a chink of light on the horizon.  It pained me to report back to her that at 8 months, my son's sleep is as bad as ever, if not worse.

We have had two unsettled weeks of being away, teething, learning to crawl, tummy aches from milk intolerance and probably a raft of other reasons that I am not even aware exist... oh yeah, and apparently there is an eight month sleep regression.  What the ..? I am speechless.

Why does sleep have to be such a hard skill to master.  As a fully grown up person, I have no recollection of the struggle to sleep in my formative years.  As far as I was concerned, I was born being able to sleep for several hours in a row.  I am terribly mistaken of course!

It is incredibly difficult to even contemplate going back to any sort of sleep training until my little man has finished this current stage of teething.  But then there are all the other developmental milestones - am I expecting too much?

But the panic does rise occasionally as I realise that I am starting back to work in a month's time... oh my goodness!