NEVER ASSUME...

...it makes an ASS out of U and ME!  I had assumed we had mastered pick up/put down, but it seems not so...

Pick up/put down is not a forgotten agenda but it hasn't been easy over the past week.  My son has been suffering with a head cold, which has resulted in a very hoarse and croaky throat.  This has made the crying associated with bed-times much harder to bear for all parties.  I worry that the crying is what has exacerbated the throat issue in the first place and then I feel guilty.  On top of this, he is still in the full throws of teething, which is a miserable time for any baby.

So last night I just fed him every time he woke up.  At least I could relax in the easy chair and doze.  But at 5:45am my little man was not in the mood for going back to sleep.  Nothing was working and in the end I brought him into bed with me.  Even that didn't work.  Eventually, just after 8am he took another feed and drifted off next to me.  We awoke when my alarm sounded at 9am, to get us up in time for Tiny Talk.  I needed that sleep badly.  But I can't help but think that my kindness is misguided and that it just would have been better to find a way to insist that he stay in bed til 7am, when we usually start our day.

Intertwined with all of this is another issue, the fact that my husband wants to help but because of separation anxiety from me, our son just cries harder - almost a tantrum - and I worry about his throat.  I know that I cannot do this by myself.  I just feel so torn.

I used to pride myself on having a son who could easily go 24 hours without crying, largely due to our responsiveness in meeting his needs immediately.  I feel like I have now created a baby, who cries before nearly every sleep.  Who has cried himself into having a sore throat.

I know we are always with him and he is never abandoned during this crying but I am finding it difficult.  When he shouts and does his 'mantra' cry before sleep, that is slightly different and I can cope with that but his teething and sore throat makes it hard to tell the difference between that type of cry and a raw 'I need help' cry.

Breastfeeding advisors tell us that if our babies are drinking at night, then they still need these feeds and we should continue.  It is only if they are messing around, which signals the beginnings of night weaning.  My baby drinks, in fact, gulps his milk down in the night.  He is definitely hungry.  So how can I deny him his nourishment?

As you can probably tell, I am a confused mess over all of this.  And now I have to go and have a conversation with my boss about my return to work.  Another round of guilt ensues...

I promise to return with a more positive outlook next time.  For myself, if nothing else.