What's more, I can hardly believe that I have not had an uninterrupted night's sleep for nearly a whole year. Sleep deprivation is a special kind of torture.
"Forcibly depriving a person of sleep is a profound assault on the entire biological system at the foundation of that person’s mind and body." Psychology Today, Dec. 2014
The sleep deprivation being referred to here is extreme, where a subject is forced to stay awake for long periods of time (180 hours being quoted at one point). It is hard to know where my sleep deprivation fits in because I do get small amounts of sleep every night, broken up into 1-3 hour chunks.
When I read the effects of sleep deprivation, I recognise some of the symptoms - "unpleasant feelings of fatigue, irritability and difficulties concentrating...poor judgment...considerable increase in appetite...apathy... lethargy and social withdrawal." Psychology Today, Dec. 2014. I am sure that these things can be experienced in varying degrees and certainly with more severity for the poor person who is forced to stay awake for 180 hours in a row. Yet that shouldn't negate the fact that mothers, who experience continual sleep interruptions and lack of sleep over a long period of time, are bound to suffer too.
Since I have gone back to work, I have found it more and more difficult to cope without sleep. In particular, I think this is down to the mental demands of my job as a senior leader-cum-teacher in school. If I am totally honest, I have found recalling even my timetables a challenge at times - something I am used to doing at speed.
I feel like something has to give. I need to be fit to look after my baby. I need my husband to be able to share the load.
So I decided two nights ago, not to feed my baby overnight anymore. No controlled crying still or anything like that. But offers of other comfort and water, if he is thirsty. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The process, however, is by no means easy...
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